Well, that explains the fact that some faucets still make hot water. Also, I do have a college degree, but I'm still breathtakingly stupid.
The plumber then told me that we have a too high water pressure that leads to the house which is probably the reason for the problems, for which he can install a regulator to reduce the pressure ($), also these puppies are over ten years old ($$), and we should replace both of them now ($$$), and you should probably cancel Christmas, and your family vacation, because you're about to write me a check for a whole lotta cash ($$$$). Then I started to see stars and my bank account draining, and almost fall down the rickety attic stairs. Because I'm old with grey hairs.
Kids, the morals of the story are:
1. Know how to turn the water off at any location--under the sinks, in the attic, and the main water supply to your home. My dad taught me how to do this twenty years ago, and am eternally grateful that he thought "a girl" would ever need to know basic plumbing.
2. Check your major appliances BEFORE you spend any money for Christmas presents and Birthday parties for your child.
3. If your husband plays fantasy football, make sure he wins, because Mama Needs Two New Hot Water Heaters. (GO ZAK!)
4. Don't go to college because it's good for nothin'. Instead, go to a trade school. You could also marry a tradesman because they're handy and make tons of dough (and are usually hunky--I'm thinking of you Jack and Alan!).