Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The last twelve hours

There is nothing more that I would love to have right now than several (preferably eight) hours of consecutive sleep. The last twelve hours have been rough....

10:30 p.m.--went to bed, fell asleep right away

12:00 a.m.-- Brooke wakes up to eat. She's been asleep since 7:45, so she is likely very hungry and wet.

12:30 a.m.--back to bed

2:00 a.m.--Brooke wakes up and is crying. I walk to her room, tell her to go to sleep, give her the pacifier.

2:10 a.m.--Just as I doze off again, Brooke begins to cry. I refuse to feed her because she ISN'T hungry and will just fall asleep as soon as she latches on. Zak gets up to give her the pacifier.

2:15-2:49 a.m.--Still crying. We let her cry it out after I get up two more times to soothe her, but not picking her up. SHE MUST LEARN TO SLEEP. We blame it on teething. She finally stops crying at 2:49. I'm still half awake, half asleep. I feel guilty...thinking that I am going to cause abandonment issues for not responding to her cries. She'll then be a grumpy hateful teenager who will remember the times that I let her cry it out. She'll pay me back by dating zitty bad boys who drive vans.

5:00 a.m.--Brooke is awake again. I feed and change her.

5:30 a.m.-- I am back in bed, and just drifting off...

5:45 a.m.--MADDIE WALKS INTO OUR ROOM! She is wide awake, ready to start the day. It is still dark outside. She is very sweet and happily asks to watch "the monster movie." I check out her head, which is not nearly as swollen (or purple) as yesterday.

After I whine and complain about my lack of sleep, the psychological effects of not sleeping, how much I resent the fact that I have the only pair of boobs in the house, and then threaten to pump and make Zak do one feeding per night, he sighs loudly.

6:00 a.m.--Zak's alarm goes off. He has an early morning meeting.

We argue about "rewarding" Maddie by showing a movie for coming into our room so early. We've done this for the last week. I tell him that if we do this, she will continue to arrive in our room before dawn. He asks what we should do instead. I tell him we need to send her back to her room. I know that would only cause a tantrum, which would wake Brooke, and am not sure that is a battle I want to fight. She will semi-quietly lay in our bed watching her movie, but is chatty every 15 minutes or so needing her doll, to potty, or the book she left in her room. The problem is that I can't sleep through that, but Zak can.

During the last week, I slept in Brooke's room (there is a bed in there) after the last feeding to catch some more Zzzz's while he and Maddie both get ready to leave. It's their time together, and it's fun for them both. She watches him shave and get dressed, matches socks, reads books, plays in my make up, etc. The problem is when he has to leave extra early for a meeting and SATURDAY AND SUNDAY we have an unwanted guest in our room.

I feel guilty because the girls are always so sweet and playful in the morning, and I'm just so annoyed to be awake. Maddie tries to comfort me and asks if I'm okay and why I'm so sleepy, Brooke gives me the biggest smiles because she's so happy to see me (or my boobs). Zak works all day and says that I can "make up the sleep during the day" which is semi true, but it's not the same. PLUS, I am supposed to be working from home...kinda.

At this point, I've only gotten five hours of sleep, none in blocks longer than 2 hours.

7:00 a.m.--Zak leaves the house. Maddie is getting restless and probably hungry.

7:20 a.m.--Brooke wakes up again. All smiles, wide awake. Sweet, beautiful baby girl.

7:30a.m.--The Girls and I go downstairs for coffee and breakfast.

8:00 a.m.--I drive Maddie to school...my saving grace.

8:30 a.m.--Even after one giant mug of coffee, I crawl back into bed with Brooke. I nurse her while we are both laying down. We both sleep.

9:30 a.m.--A huge thunderstorm rolls into town startling us both awake with thunder and hard falling rain.

We're awake and I make another pot of coffee.

1 comment:

Amy said...

i feel your pain, but i must admit i'm laughing... with you, of course, not at you!!! :)

Mason is still an early riser!