Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Getting to know Maddie

My friend Amy sent me this "Getting to Know You 2006" email forward survey thingy. I was supposed to answer these questions, email it to all of my friends, and make all of you do it. Instead, I decided to ask Maddie these questions. Here is what she said:

1. What time did you get up this morning?
7:15 am--I let my mom sleep in because she wasn't feeling very good today.

2. Diamonds or Pearls?
DIAMONDS! My mama taught me well.

3. What is the last movie you saw?
I've never seen a movie, but my parents got a babysitter over the weekend and they went to see Walk The Line without me!

4. What is your favorite TV show?
I like the Baby Einstein Video about animals. My parents put that in on Saturday and Sunday morning so they can sleep for "just 30 more minutes."

5. What did you have for breakfast?
I had a bowl of cherrios and blueberries.

6. What is your middle name?

7. What is your favorite food?
Wheat Pasta, and cheese is a close second

8. What is your favorite drink?
Silk Very Vanilla Soy milk for kids

9. What is your favorite CD?
I like anything I can dance to. Rap really gets me going, and any kiddie pop is good too. I listen to music all day long at Ms. Tippi's house.

10. What car do you drive?
Santa brought me a red and yellow and white plastic jeep. I love to honk the horn, go fast and peel out in the kitchen.

11.What is your favorite sandwich?
Turkey on wheat bread with cheese.

12. What chacteristic do you despise?
I don't like whiny kids who steal my toys.

13. Favorite item of clothing?
I'm a pants girl. I've been wearing long sleeve shirts and pants since it got cold (i.e. October!). In the summer, I go for a nice breezy sundress.

14. If you could go on vacation, where would you go?
California and Texas--I'd fly to see all my grandparents and aunts and uncles because they live way too far away.

15. What color is your bathroom?
Kinda greenish/tanish.

16. What was your most memorable birthday?
I've only had two...the day I was born, and my first birthday. Both were pretty memorable, but I would have to say that being squeezed out of a vagina into the world is something I hope I won't remember for much longer.

17. Where were you born?
Naperville, IL--I'm a midwestern girl, much to the disappointment of my parents.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Football...are there any others? My dad has only shown me that one on the TV.

19. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?
Leta Armstrong

20. Person who will send it back right away?
Grandma Wendy or Grandpa Bruce

21. Are you a morning person or a night owl.
Morning person! I'm grumpy at night.

22. Do you have any pets?
Yes, my dog, Miles

23. Is there anything you regret in life?
I regret not being born with all my teeth. They hurt, and they come in one by painful one.

24. What did you want to be when you were little?
When I was little, I wanted just to be a big girl so I could play more.

25. What would your dream job be now?
For now, I'm happy being unemployed. It's not a bad gig, ya know?

Sunday, January 29, 2006


Maddie mimics everything we say or do. Mostly she mimics Zak, and lately that's been pretty funny because he's sick. So every time he hacks, sneezes, coughs, or groans (the way men grown when they're sick because they are really 7 years old) she will mimic the sound.

She will also repeat anything you tell her to. It works for good things like, "excuse me" and "all done" and also for bad things like, "damn it" and "crap." She hasn't yet repeated the F word even though we say it too much. When Zak sneezed, after she made the sneeze mimic noise, she also said "od bss you" for God Bless You.

I never thought I would write God and the F word in the same post, but it fits well.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Maddie-the-Day Care Bully

Maddie got in trouble at day care today. Apparently she allegedly whacked a girl on the head with a weeble wobble and made her cry.

So, due to the "hitting issue" we're not sure how to react. She started this hitting with Miles, then her toys, then her dolls, then me and Zak, now it's at day care. We tell her "no hitting" and "we don't hit," but no habla English. She just looks at you, smiles, and hits again. We try to distract her and do something else and usually that works. I completely think she understands what she is doing is not good, but she does it anyway. The parenting books say she is too young for a time out, but I'm not sure what else to do. Any ideas, Internet?

What if she turns into one of those teenagers who gets in trouble all the time and the parents just turn a blind eye, then she ends up in one of those alternative high schools for bad kids?

Great. 13 months and we've already screwed up.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Triple Threat

My friend Shannon and Michelle both had girls less than a year after I had Maddie. They were both one of those, "We want to be surprised and find out the baby's sex when it's born," kinda girls. I on the other hand, I decided to go with modern machinery, the Ultrasound machine, as the way to find out Maddie was indeed a girl (you know, so I could shop and decorate). All three of us STRONGLY felt they we were all going to have a boy. So much for mother's instinct! We all had girls.

The NINE of us (if you count the husbands and babies) get together monthly for dinner and drinks. They dads watch sports, the moms talk about their bodies, boobs, and babies, and the girls just ignore each other...UNTIL this last visit!! Maddie and Kit (Shannon's daughter-above) finally looked at each other in the eye. Lily (Michelle's 12 week old daughter) stayed awake just barely long enough to throw some punches at Maddie for stealing her pacifier (again!).

Kit and Maddie are already trying to see who can crawl towards the beer the fastest...just like their moms!

We all have a great time and are looking forward to many more years of the girls growing up together and hanging out. I also have a great videos of the girls at putfile.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Part Girl, Part Groundhog

Maddie is a VERY light sleeper. Odd, don't you think?

I always assumed most little monsters slept hard. You know... play hard, sleep hard? Well, apparently Maddie didn't get that memo. I think she really is a light sleeper because she doesn't want to miss the party. Afterall, she is the party. If she hears a noise in her room she will quickly wake up, sit up, and quickly look around...like a groundhog.

To make matters more difficult, every damn floor board in her room cracks, creaks, and moans when you step on it. This makes it very hard to sneak into her room to do anything. Mostly I go check on her when she's asleep before I get into bed. I want to make sure she's breathing and has some sort of blanket wrapped around her.

Most times I check on her, she's in some very awkward position with her neck crushed up the crib bars or her face buried in one of her stuffed animals that sleep with her. The other day, Zak finally asked me (after 13 months for Christsake!) why I always go into her room at night. I told him I liked to check on her and gaze at her sleepy sweetness.

Babies are at their very best when they are sleeping.

Well, he got jealous, and decided he now wants to check on her too! So, last night we go in together....tip toeing around the squeaky floorboards.

All of a sudden, she wakes up and bolts upright. She does the Groundhog Girl routine.

We simulantounsly drop to the floor so she can't see us.

She fusses a bit and makes her baby noises. Her "baby-dar" goes off and senses parents. PARENTS. PARENTS. I KNOW THEY ARE IN HERE. HOLD ME. FEED ME.

Zak and I are still crouching down low to avoid her eyes. Then....we get the giggles.

I don't have to tell you how hard it is to fend off a case of the giggles when you KNOW you shouldn't be giggling. By this time, we are nearly dead from lack of oxygen because we've been doing the silent giggle with exaggerated body movements. Maddie finally drops down (about as fast as she popped up) and we practically army crawl out of her room.

I guess she didn't see her shadow.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

13 months

Dear Maddie,
Today you are 13 months old! I feel bad because I didn't tell you happy 13 months today...I kinda forgot, not about you, but about the fact that today is the 17th! How could I forget about your sweet little hiney? By the way, you've got some serious junk in the trunk:

This has been quite the eventful month for you. I say that every month, but this month let's talk about your growing vocabulary and attitude. In addition to the words you can already say, you've added the following in just a week or two. At this pace you will know every word in the dictionary by the time you are three.

BA NA = Banana
Good Girl (you say this to yourself after you've accomplished something)
Mmm Pippi = Miss Tippi

You've been testing limits this month. A LOT. You do exactly what we tell you not to do with a BIG grin on your face. You nearly gave me a heart attack when you pulled the fireplace screen down on your head after I told you for the millionth time NOT TO TOUCH THE FIREPLACE SCREEN! You are also still trying to get away with illegal dog feedings even after I threaten to take your food away if you do it. Once I tell you "no" and then tell you what will happen if you do it, you listen carefully, do it anyway, then suffer the consequence I just told you about. I will ALWAYS follow through. It's your dad who will give in.

This month you discovered how to get INTO your toy box/ottoman. Apparently being near your toys wasn't enough, you actually had to BE ONE with your toys.

The joy you brought this month:
  1. You love to take a bath and squeal with delight and run up and down the hall naked with excitement until you get in. You even try to climb in yourself, but your little legs aren't long enough yet.
  2. You say hot, hot, hot and blow air out of your mouth anytime I go near the stove or microwave. If you see me take your food out of the microwave you blow on it over and over again even after it's ice cold.
  3. You are an absolute breeze to put to sleep. We just rock you for a few minutes, lay you down, and off you go to dream land. I'm sure we will pay for this dearly with the next one, but for now we love it!
  4. You bring me things on command. You know the names of all your toys and I can just tell you which one to bring and you will. If you don't know you say, "Huh?" We're working on getting you to fetch us beer since Miles never learned that trick.
  5. You give HUGS! Finally! Sweet delicious hugs. If I'm lucky, you will also wipe your snot nose on me. I will just hold my arms open and you come running to me with your arms open. It makes me melt.
  6. Today, for the first time ever, you made a kiss noise at me. I said, "Hi Maddie, I love you!" and blew a kiss at you. You immediately made a kiss noise right back at me. Oh, I love you so much it hurts....
You're such a big girl. We love watching you grow and change...attitude and all.


Sunday, January 15, 2006


Um, excuse me..what are you doing?


Are you going through mommy's purse?

Maddie, Mommy doesn't have any money in there.


Come with me, and I will show you where you can find DADDY's wallet.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Camera trouble

I know, I know, you want a picture. I have two posts in limbo that can't be posted without the corresponding photo. My camera is pooping it up again, and won't let me transfer the photos or videos. This always happens when I take long videos...it's like its brain is on overload and it can't think fast enough to just dump the damn data onto the computer and release itself.

It's kinda like when you're trying to pee, but you can't. That's happening to my camera...lots of pushing and grunting, but no piss.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Snot Nose Kid

I always hate to see little kids running around with snotty noses. It's just gross and WHY can't the parents wipe the damn nose? Now I know...

Two weeks ago I stopped nursing Maddie. A mutual decision between her and I that was actually very easy to do. I wanted to nurse until her first birthday, and I did. I strongly believed that she was always so healthy because she was breastfed. She was NEVER sick her first year, never, nada, not one sniffle.

The week I stopped nursing her she had a minor sneezy-cough type cold. Zak and I both did to, so it was no big deal. THIS week she has a MAJOR runny nose, like runny to her lips if I don't watch it. Just for the record...that's two little colds in TWO weeks of not breastfeeding.

I guess I knew I had to wean her at some point, and increase her susceptibility to illness. I am sure she'd be really embarrassed if she was still nursing in high school. Heathy, but embarrassed.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Overheard at dinner last night...

We went to dinner at Chevy's, a local Mexican food place. Maddie, as always, get so much attention from other diners and all the waitresses. One waitress brought over a balloon which Maddie promptly began to pinch, poke, scratch, lick, chew, and twist around her neck.

The balloon string was completely wrapped around Maddie's neck, and Zak said in a very natural quiet and normal voice, "Madison, please don't kill yourself at Chevy's. It's a very shitty place to die."

He then untangled her as I burst out laughing and proclaimed, "That is SO going on the blog tomorrow."

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Words that the genius can say

Words that Maddie can say, and my attempt to spell what they sound like:

Mama: clear as day, but sometime used to describe me, the waitress, the dog, or Zak.

Dada: clear. Also been known as "ta ta" in a very quiet whispered voice repeated 10 times.

She will also psychic-ly announce who is coming into the house. For example, if I get home from work after she and Zak are already home, as SOON as I open the door, she will shout, "MAMA" the same is true for when Zak comes in the house. She's a genius.

Miles: sounds like "My Els"

Balloon: really, I'm not kidding. It sounds like "ba hoon" and is courtesy of my dad who nearly blew a lung out for 40 balloons her 1st b-day party.

Hi: you get a wave and multiple greetings. "Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi"

Bye Bye: also, a wave is granted. Surprisingly, she doesn't get it confused with "hi," but sometimes the wave is backwards (like she's waving at herself). She will tell her talking toys "Bye Bye" after the toys say it first as they turn themselves off.

Hot: This is new, and I am sure Zak would argue that she really hasn't said it, but it sounds like "Hit" and she will also mimic the sound of us blowing on her food to cool it.

Bath: This sounds like a question, "Ba?" As in, "Maddie are you ready for a bath?" "Ba?" "Yes, a Bath." "Ba?" "Yes, get in."

Thank you: This was an early word, and I LOVE that she does this. It sounds like "Tay Tank"

Book: also sounds like a question..."Oook?" As in "Maddie do you want me to read you a book?" "Ook?" Her favorite book is a book about sheep that is covered in blue foamy felt. I will ask her to bring me the sheep book (without telling her where it is), and she will go to her toy box, dig it out (among 20 other books) and bring it to me. Genius.

What? and Huh?: These are annoying, but cute. "wha?" and "huh?"She will say these when you call her name, when she's busy playing or when she is ignoring you. I think she learned this from her dad.

Bottle: She says, "ba ba?" and does the baby sign for milk.

These pictures were taken on a bad drooly teething day, but she's a happy girl and wanted to show off her teeth. She loves when we brush them with a toothbrush. Thank God they are baby teeth because they are VERY crooked!

Monday, January 02, 2006

A grandparents dream

Many of you (but mostly the grandparents) want to see videos of The Girl. We don't have a video camera, but our regular camera also takes short videos.

I am completely technologically challenged, although some may argue that fact since I am a fancy pants blogger now. But really, folks, I am pretty clueless. Anyway, I tried to upload our videos to this post, but no go. So, instead I have uploaded them to another website who agrees to host them for me, free!, thankuverymuch.

Since they are free!, they suck. It takes like ten years to upload a 2 minute video. Hence, I will not be doing this very often...so don't be pushy (you know who you are!). I do have a full time job, you know.

I've added a link on the right side so you can go there anytime you feel like seeing a new video. Since you are all probably very confused, you may visit "Maddie The Girl, Video Montage" here.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

New Years poop

The great thing about my blog is that I can write whatever I want. The great thing about YOU is that you can read whatever you want. Poop is today's topic.

Hello, and welcome.

Did you know that breastfed babies poop doesn't stink? It's true! The only time poop stinks is when you add "people food" (as Zak likes to call it). Well, let me tell you that The Girl's poop stinks like, well, like shit. AND...this is the best part...looking at it is like looking into a fortune teller's crystal ball, only backwards.

Zak likes to try to figure out how long it takes some food to go through Maddie's system based on the time it comes out the other end. This is totally disgusting and something I DO NOT do. Honestly, I've been known to dry heave over some recent poops, but Zak isn't fazed. He often cries for me to "check out the size of this one" or "wow! You can see the black beans she just ate for lunch! Come see!"

I don't think it is possible for her to poop what she ate just hours before, I mean, she is NOT a dog! I also don't understand why she can't digest things 100% to be unrecognizable. We all know about the staying power of corn, but Zak can decipher most everything she eats!

Maddie has been on a kiwi and tangerine kick. She can eat an ENTIRE tangerine in less than two minutes, and an ENTIRE kiwi in 60 seconds. I timed her. Just for the record, this world record time is after I have peeled and diced the fruit. What kind of mother do you think I am, anyway?

The Girl loves her some Vitamin C. Okay, back to the poop...you know the little black seeds in the kiwi? Well, the human body, or at least Maddie's little human body doesn't digest the seeds, but gets them all through in 24 hours.

Aren't you glad there wasn't a picture today?